Something that I am painfully aware of is that I am, in my own little bubble, an entertainer. It is sometimes difficult in my own mind to separate my public persona from my real self. That my public persona is sometimes inserted in place of the real self. And in this process I am not entirely sure which of me that you see is the real me. Not entirely which of me that I see is the real one.
I feel…. guilty… a little bit… for being this way. A little bit.
It’s freaky. What do you want me to be? I’ll be that. It’s easier to be what you want me to be.
Than to actually show you what I am feeling.
The shield – the veneer – of silliness, and carefree relaxation – obscures a deep abandonment and isolation. It fuels my creativity, but I am on the edge of self-destruction.
Anyone who has not walked in these shoes can hardly understand.
Scott Macmann 